


First Mates' Lessons

by Chenelle_SoLily



Category: One Piece
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Sex, Bottom Roronoa Zoro, Drinking to Cope, M/M, Minor Monkey D. Luffy/Roronoa Zoro, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rare Relationships, Sex, Trauma, Uke Roronoa Zoro, minor bdsm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:27:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23959171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chenelle_SoLily/pseuds/Chenelle_SoLily
Summary: Roronoa Zoro is the first to arrive at Sabaody after an extensive two years of training. He's stuck alone with the infamous Silvers Rayleigh. While waiting for the rest of his crew to return, a strange relationship blossoms between them as Rayleigh attempts to teach Zoro what it truly means to be a first mate.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy/Roronoa Zoro, Silvers Rayleigh/Roronoa Zoro
Comments: 2
Kudos: 76





	1. Lesson One: Obedience

**Author's Note:**

> I was going through a bunch of my old stories and found this "gem" that I wrote three years ago. It originally was just a sex scene written as a joke for me and a few friends, but it soon evolved into a story with an actual plot. I decided to post cause I've hardly seen any Rayleigh/Zoro fanfics. Idk if I'll ever add more, but I might just for fun.
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy this very uncomfortable story :)
> 
> EDIT: Y'all I've officially decided to continue this story. New chapters will be added in February (2021)
> 
> EDIT #2: Before I can upload the next chapter, I need to fix, update, and add to this one. Next chapter will be uploaded sometime next week.

“We’re here,” Perona said, “but next time, ask someone else for help. I’m not your slave.”

She floated above the neglected building, using her umbrella to protect her pale skin from the glaring sun. Zoro stood below her, facing the door, with an uncontrollable pounding heart and beads of sweat swelling on his forehead. One hand carried a sack flung over his shoulder, stuffed with the belongings he gained over the past two years, and the other rested on his precious swords - a nervous tick he picked up during training. He stared at the large sign hanging over his head with faded letters scribbled across it.

“Shakky’s Rip-Off Bar,” Zoro read aloud, “Can’t believe it’s already been two years.”

As he thought about his crew, his body tensed and his grasp on his swords tightened. 

“Are you nervous?” Perona asked.

Although she tried to hide it, concern filled her voice. Zoro exhaled and relaxed.

“Should I be?”

“No, just that you’ve been looking forward to this. Especially seeing that captain of yours.”

Zoro’s cheeks flushed at the mention of Luffy, and his head shot towards the ground. 

“I’m excited to see everyone.”

Perona giggled at his fluster. 

“Hmph, whatever. Are you going to stand here or are you actually going in?”

Zoro sighed, opened the door, his hand trembling, entered the building, and once his figure was no longer visible, it slammed behind him.

“I don’t get a thank you or even a bye? What a brat.”

Despite her harsh tone, the corner of her lips formed a slight grin.

“Oh!” Shakky gasped.

Her mouth gaped open, too shocked to string together a comprehensible sentence.

“Ah, you’re the first to arrive,” Rayleigh said.

Sat, facing away from the door, the outside light that filled the dreary room and revealed the dust floating in the dry air, shone against his back and stretched his shadow across the wall.

“What? Nobody has arrived yet?” Zoro asked, wearing a sly smirk, “They never change.”

He explored the building. Everything was identical to the last time he was there. It still smelled of aged alcohol. It still had the same dirty tables and chairs cluttering the room, and the bar’s wooden surface still had the same scrapes and notches, but it felt unfamiliar. It seemed so empty and quiet, especially compared to two years ago. His heart twinged. Rayleigh studied Zoro’s face, watching his lips twitch into a slight frown, and his body tense with anxiety.

“There’s nothing to worry about! They’ll be here soon. Come and drink with me.”

He motioned to the empty stool next to him. Zoro dropped his bag onto the floor and took a seat, wanting to cleanse the nervous pit growing in his stomach. Rayleigh went behind the counter, grabbed two glasses, and topped them with rum. 

“If you gentlemen are going to drink this early, then I’m leaving,” Shakky said.

She stood and patted her legs.

“Alright, have fun.”

Rayleigh laughed, then turned his attention to Zoro.

“This stuff is strong, so drink in moderation.”

He handed Zoro his cup. Sunlight hit the glass and its potent amber color reflected onto the wooden counter. Condensation clung to its body and dripped onto Zoro’s hand as he grasped it. 

“Nothing I can’t handle,” said Zoro.

He gave a cocky grin and threw back his head, devouring the burning liquid in one gulp. He slammed the glass onto the table and the ice cubes shifted in the cup. Rayleigh did the same. 

“Want more?”

“Of course.”

After the sun fell and the moon rose above, the two still sat with several empty bottles littered across the floor. Zoro laid his head on the bar, tapping his finger against the wood, his glossy eye unable to focus.

“I think that’s enough for tonight. I’m cutting you off,” Rayleigh said.

“I’m finnnne.”

Zoro slurred his words, and his cheeks glowed a bright red.

“‘M not drunk I can… I can drink more.”

“Sure you can,” Rayleigh laughed, “Come on, let me bring you to your ship.”

“Sunny? I wanna go there let’s go to Sunny!”

Zoro spoke with such enthusiasm that it reminded Rayleigh of a child. Zoro attempted to stand, but his legs collapsed under him, causing him to fall back, knocking over the stool. He broke into a fit of giggles while laying on the ground.

Rayleigh helped him up, pulling him off the floor, and using himself as a crutch. Zoro’s hands fluttered along Rayleigh’s arms, feeling his build.

“You’re verrrrry muscular,” Zoro laughed, “but my captain’s _ much _ stronger.”

For a second, an intense flash of predatory hunger glared at Zoro. The shock gave him a moment of sobriety and his stomach churned as he looked around, searching for the source, but only Rayleigh was there, wearing a friendly grin. Zoro brushed it off to be part of his imagination. 

Rayleigh responded with a slight chuckle and headed towards the door. Zoro stumbled along, his legs barely listening to him as they moved like an octopus’s tentacles. 

“Y’know what,” Rayleigh said, “just stay here tonight, I don’t think you’re in the best condition to sleep by yourself.”

“But I wanna go to Sunnnnay.”

“I’ll take you tomorrow.”

“But-”

“Come on, I’m not going to drag you all the way to your ship.”

Rayleigh shifted his path, using his hands to direct Zoro’s attention towards a door settled against the back wall.

“Hmph, fine, I’ll stay ’ere.”

Pouting, he followed Rayleigh into the small room. A bed sat in the corner, accompanied by a small bed stand, and a large rectangular window hanging above both. 

Rayleigh picked up Zoro and, with care, laid him onto the bed. He dragged his hand along the ridge of Zoro’s face. As if he just remembered something, Rayleigh stopped and rushed towards the door.

“Hey, Rayleigh,” Zoro said, causing him to stop, “you were with Luffy, right? I mean, over the past two years, you were training him, right?”

“Yeah, I was.”

“How is he?”

“He’s been training hard, he’s excited to see you guys again,”

Rayleigh left the room.

“That’s not what I meant.”

Half-asleep, he mumbled the comment to himself.

\---

Darkness enveloped the world; no light shone. Zoro spun in circles, searching for anything, but there was nothing to be found. Hollow murmurs seemed to creep from every direction, wrapping Zoro with a blazing air of white noise. Each time he took a breath, his lungs burned with pain, causing the illusion of suffocation. He covered his ears to drone out the noise, but it was as if it was coming from inside his head. 

“Hello!” 

He shouted into the eerie emptiness to get rid of the static. It didn’t work.

“Hello!” 

It was his voice that responded, but warped into a depraved, desperate, tone. 

“Where am I?!”

Once again, only his corrupted echo answered. 

His head twisted and not a single tangible thought entered his head, just tumbles of words and incomplete sentences. He wandered as the buzz crescendoed to an unbearable peak, then it stopped. 

Nothing but silence filled the void. He sighed in relief and uncovered his ears.

“Zoro! Over here!” A familiar voice shouted. 

He shot around and his childhood friend waved at him. A soft light shone over her, cutting into the darkness, detailing her body, her face, and her smile - every characteristic just as he remembered. 

“Come on, Zoro!” 

She turned around, sprinting towards the darkness, and waved her hand in the air, calling for him to follow.

“Kuina!” he yelled, “Wait!”

He chased after her, each stride filled with every bit of his strength. The heels of his boots clacked against the floor with each step, penetrating the silence, while Kuina’s made no sound. 

The distance between the two never changed, no matter how fast he ran, and the suffocating air could not satisfy his hungry lungs. 

As he gasped for air, his pace slowed to an eventual halt. He grasped his throat, trying to breathe, while he collapsed to his knees. Kuina continued to run, and eventually, the darkness consumed her. 

Alone once more, he laid on the floor, his breath, minute by minute, coming back. The world flashed a blinding light, and another voice appeared.

“Come on, Zoro!” yelled Usopp, “Wake up, we’re here!”

Zoro rubbed his eyes. He was lying on the deck of Sunny. Around him, his crew, rambunctious as ever, looked at him with smiles painted on their faces. Warm sunlight blanketed them, and the smell of the salty ocean mixed with the fresh smell of Sunny’s grass.

“You were asleep forever.”

Chopper laughed as he jumped into Zoro’s lap.

“Sorry bout’ that.”

Though still weary, he patted Chopper’s head with a grin.

“We were waiting for you. The entire crew was,” said Nami.

She stood in front of him, her arms folded, and tapped her foot.

“We needed you,” Robin said, “but you weren’t there.”

“What?” asked Zoro.

A dense whirling mass of fiery-colored clouds cloaked the sky and blacked out the sun. The world dimmed into a grim scarlet red. 

“Why didn’t you help us, Zoro?” asked Brooke.

“What are you talking about?”

He looked at their faces, each filled with disgust, and fear and guilt overcame him.

“It’s because he’s weak,” Sanji said.

“Superrrrr weak,” laughed Franky.

“You failed us, Zoro,” Luffy said, staring straight into Zoro’s eye. The feeling of guilt worsened. 

Luffy’s cracked lips parted again; “You failed me.”

The world flashed again and Zoro was sent back to that moment - the moment he dreaded the most.

Pain seared through his body and his legs trembled as the towering shadow of a man stretched over him. In the distance, Chopper, in his monstrous form, created chaos, attacking at random, and letting out ear-piercing roars. Stuck in battle, Rayleigh and Kizaru moved so fast, Zoro could hardly perceive the outline of their bodies.

He stared at the Shichibukai before him, paralyzed with fear, not even able to reach for his swords. The man gave him a quick glance.

“You’re not even worth the trouble.”

His voice shook Zoro to the core. He walked past him and went straight for Usopp. His hand touched him and Usopp disappeared with no trace.

“No!” Zoro shouted.

He tried to run after the man, but he stumbled to the ground. Sanji now disappeared.

“Stop!”

One after the other, each of his precious crewmates vanished.

“Stop it!”

The Shichibukai now stood before his captain, hand pulled back, ready to strike. A beaten Luffy stared at Zoro.

“Why?” he asked, “Why didn’t you help us?”

As his hand struck the limp body, Luffy disappeared.

“Luffy!”

Zoro woke up drenched in sweat, his heart racing, and his breaths panicked. He looked around, found a trash can, and rushed towards it. Unable to hold it in, he vomited a disgusting sludge, until nothing else could come out. 

Leaned against the wall, he panted, gaining composure once he realized he was still in Shakky’s Rip-off Bar. His head pounded with pain, with the previous night still a blur. Shakky entered the room. 

“I see you’re awake,” she said, “I heard you had a late night.”

While standing up, he groaned in pain.

“Well, you look like you did.”

She laughed.

“I’m sorry.”

He pointed to the trash can, causing Shakky to laugh even more.

“It’s fine. It’s fine. I’ll clean it up, you can do whatever.”

Zoro drank a glass of water to wash away the pungent taste, and as she cleaned the mess, he sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, replaying his nightmare. The desperate look on Luffy’s face engraved in his mind and his sullen guilt grew each time he thought of his crew. 

He stared out the window, watching a merry group of people from afar, their noisy laughter reaching his ears. He just wanted to return to the times where they were together.

“Sunny.”

“Hmm?”

“Sunny,” he repeated, “Where is it?”

“Ah, it’s just over there,” she pointed in a direction, “Here, I’ll draw a quick map for ya’.”

He took the directions, grabbed his stuff, and left for the ship.

\---

“What are you doing here?” asked Rayleigh, “I thought you were going to The Sunny.”

Zoro, confused, looked up to see Rayleigh standing outside the bar.

“I am.”

“Then why are you back here?”

“These directions are poorly written.”

He waved the map above his head.

“So you’re lost?”

Zoro made no response other than a quick glare. Rayleigh laughed.

“Here, I’ll take you there.”

He walked down the stairs to Zoro’s level and they left, with him keeping a close eye on Zoro to make sure he stayed on path.

“I guess I should warn you of something,” Rayleigh said.

He looked at Zoro with a serious face - a face Zoro’s never seen. 

“It’s about Kuma.”

Zoro stopped, and his stomach dropped. Thousands of thoughts passed through his mind. 

“Kuma?”

Rayleigh nodded.

“For the past two years, he’s been protecting your ship.”

“What? What the hell do you mean?”

“Your ship was susceptible to marines, looters, and other pirates, but Kuma’s been protecting it.”

Sweat gathered on Zoro’s forehead.

“But, why?”

Rayleigh shrugged.

“His motives are a mystery to me, but I don’t think he ever was an enemy.”

Thoughts of the pain, the feeling of helplessness, and the terrible despair caused by Kuma washed over Zoro and he clenched his swords, but despite that, a part of him thanked Kuma. The deal he made with him on Thriller Bark, and the fact he, and the rest of his crew, still lived, wouldn’t have been possible if Kuma truly wanted to kill them. They continued to walk.

“I know. He saved us.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter now. I don’t even know if Kuma could be considered alive.”

Zoro tilted his head.

“Why?”

“He’s a robot in mind and body. He’s just a machine programmed to protect your ship. I know nothing else.”

Zoro’s heart leaped as Sunny came into view. An enormous smile grew on his face, but the sight of the statue-like man standing in front of the ship, arms crossed with abrasions and cuts covering his frame, flushed it away. 

An urge to run inflamed inside of him and every part of him wanted to hide, escape, but he held steady. Through clenched teeth, he inhaled and walked towards the ship. 

For a moment, as he passed the motionless body, he felt a gaze stare into the back of his head. He froze, and with great hesitance, he turned his head. Kuma’s lifeless eyes pierced into him like a poisonous dagger spreading toxins through his body. Tension grew in his legs, and his breaths shortened. 

He shut his eyes and forced himself onto the deck, out of sight of Kuma, where he could finally breathe. Rayleigh watched him with a careful eye but didn’t say a word.

The resin coating painted across the ship gave their steps a bounce. 

“The ship looks great,” said Zoro, gaining his composure again.

“Of course, Luffy would never forgive me if anything happened to it.”

Zoro’s eye flickered at the mention of his captain’s name. Shame filled his heart. 

“You care a lot about him.”

“What?”

“Luffy,” Rayleigh clarified.

“Of course I do. He’s my captain.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Rayleigh said.

Still speaking, he made his way towards Zoro.

“When you woke up this morning, you shouted his name.”

“I did?”

Zoro's body burned with embarrassment, and his cheeks grew red. 

“When I sailed with Roger, I had a  _ very  _ important job. One that only his first mate could do.”

He walked behind Zoro, stopped, his warm breath tickling the nape of his neck, and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“A job that I’ll teach you how to do,  _ properly. _ ” 

As he whispered inside Zoro’s ear, his earrings fluttered and clanged against each other like a wind chime. 

“Just ask, and I’ll show you how to be useful to Luffy.”

With a slow and delicate touch, Rayleigh dragged his hand along Zoro’s back, his light fingers carefully moving, and towards the front of Zoro’s hips, stopping when he reached the top of his haramaki. Zoro froze and goosebumps rose across his arms.

“Anyway, I’ll be at the bar. If you need something, just stop by.”

He pulled away, patted Zoro’s back, and left.

Zoro stood in shock for a moment, the warmth of Rayleigh’s hand still lingering, and his nervous stomach churning. He clenched the hilts of his swords, and shoved the moment into the rear of his brain, not wanting and not really caring to figure out the meaning behind Rayleigh’s words. 

He entered the male’s quarters, shoved his bag inside his locker, and explored. Flashes of happy memories ran through his mind: The boy's excitement about having bunk beds, the card games they played on the table, the playful arguments they had. 

He returned to the main deck. He replayed thoughts of the melodious music Brooke played and Nami defending her tangerines. The basement brought memories of Franky and Usopp building and creating new inventions. The library made him think of Robin and her endless wish to learn, and the medical bay housed Chopper’s favorite swivel chair. The kitchen where Sanji was happiest, and where the crew gathered to have their rowdy meals. Finally, he went to the most precious place to him - the crow’s nest. 

His weights still littered the area, and the couch was as comfortable as ever. He leaned into the welcoming seat. 

Shadows of the past danced across the wall, being replayed, filled with both joys and regrets: His lips touching another's, his tongue intertwined, warm skin touching, gasps of love and moans of pleasure, a secret rendezvous, and a straw hat rested against his treasured sword. 

Pain ruptured throughout Zoro’s stomach, interrupting his thoughts. To his surprise, silky moonlight flooded the room, and yellow stars stained the sky - It was night already. 

As he combed through the Sunny’s pantry, he laughed at himself. Of course, it was empty, and he thought of himself as an idiot for thinking otherwise. He knew he would have to leave the ship for food.

He inhaled and prepared himself for disembarking. As he took off running, almost passing Kuma, again, he felt his eyes stare straight into him, this time the hold being much stronger. He stopped in his tracks and a throbbing chill encompassed his body. 

The world went silent, and the air grew cold, as Zoro looked at his face. His white, pupil-less, eyes always had the same look; The same as on Thriller Bark, the same as two years ago, and the same as now. Zoro’s trembling hand reached for his swords. 

Over and over again, his failure and pain replayed in his body. His primal instinct cried for him to attack the foe in front of him, but every bone, remembering the pain and injury, begged for him to turn and flee. 

He stood frozen, staring at Kuma and Kuma staring back, unable to think or decide, the warm moisture of his muted breaths dancing into fog against the freezing night sky. 

“Zoro?”

The faint voice barely reached him.

“Oi, Zoro!”

Zoro’s head shot towards the source, and Rayleigh stood next to him. 

“What are you doing here?” Zoro murmured, taking deep breaths. 

“I should ask you that question. Why are you standing out in the cold?”

“I… I was going to eat.”

“Then why are you staring at Kuma?”

“I-i… um, I…”

Rayleigh sighed.

“Let’s get some food in you.”

Zoro nodded, grateful that Rayleigh didn’t press any further, and they headed off towards the center of the island.

Boisterous crowds filled the streets, with conspicuous people on every corner, but it didn’t bother Zoro. These people were nothing compared to the foes he had faced, and the ones that he trained to fight in the New World. 

Rayleigh led them to a thin and dark alleyway and into a door at the end. 

“This is one of my favorite places,” Rayleigh said, “It’s cheap, usually empty, and they serve the best seafood in all of Sabaody.” 

They entered the building and the cashier, standing next to the door, gave Rayleigh a nod, revealing a familiarity between them. 

Despite Rayleigh’s praises, with the room so run-down and vacant, Zoro doubted if they served anything edible. There were only two other people, the cashier and the chef. With the kitchen stark against the back wall, opened so the customer could watch them cook, the stench of fish clung to every corner of the building, and ingrained in the furniture. 

The two took a table, sitting across from each other. 

“Do you like Sea King?” Rayleigh asked with earnest.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Perfect,” he turned his attention to the chef, “Two Sea King burgers, please.”

The cook, without saying a single word, fired up the stove and placed two large patties onto the sizzling pan. It smelt amazing. 

“Sorry for ordering for you, but you have to try their Sea King burgers. It’s the best thing I ever had - oh, but don’t tell Shakky that. She gets defensive about her food.”

Zoro laughed.

“Don’t worry, I won’t, and it’s fine. You’re the expert after all.”

Rayleigh smiled.

“You’re looking better. You were as pale as a ghost back there. I thought you might have been sick or something.”

Zoro’s body warmed with embarrassment, and he stared at his fidgeting hands.

“Oh yeah. I was just... tired, but,” he looked to Rayleigh, “what were you doing out there?”

He hoped his question would change the subject, and he grinned when Rayleigh took the bait.

“I was actually going to ask if you wanted to get dinner with me. Shakky’s out, and I realized that you probably didn’t have any food on the Sunny. Decided to fix both my loneliness and your hunger by asking you out.”

“Thanks, then.”

As they continued to talk, the waiter placed a plate in front of them each, both topped with a massive burger, brimming with a variety of vegetables. Juices dripped from the patty, spilling onto the white face of the plate, and a deep, but pleasant smell of grilled fish permeated from it. Zoro’s mouth watered.

He took a bite. The meaty flavor exploded onto his tongue, amplified by the sauces. Some of it dripped from the corner of his mouth and down his chin. Rayleigh reached over and dabbed the trail with a napkin. Zoro blushed, embarrassed at being treated like a child.

“How is it?”

“It’s good.”

“Just good? I expected a better answer.”

Rayleigh shook his head, and Zoro laughed. It tasted delicious, but compared to Sanji’s cooking, it was nothing. He erased that thought; the twirly cook deserved no praise. 

Once they finished, Rayleigh patted his stomach.

“I’m stuffed.”

Zoro burped.

“Me too.” 

“Do you want to go back to the Sunny?”

The heat was sucked from Zoro.

“Su-sunny? Yeah… I guess I could go back.”

Rayleigh smirked.

“Or if you prefer, you could come over and have a few drinks?”

Zoro exhaled the breath he held and relaxed into his chair.

“That sounds perfect.”

Rayleigh paid and the two left. As they walked through Sabaody, Zoro glimpsed a straw hat. He lagged behind Rayleigh and his heart leaped in excitement, his captain’s name ready to roll off his tongue, but as the straw hat moved towards him, he sank, seeing that its owner was a rotund man, not Luffy. He rubbed his face in frustration, and the two entered the empty bar. 

Zoro sat on one stool, with Rayleigh next to him. After a couple of glasses, Zoro was drunk.

“What’d you mean that- you… you told me I could be useful.” 

Zoro jabbed a finger into Rayleigh’s chest.

“Huh?”

“You mentioned Luffy and first mates' duties and stuff.”

“Oh, you mean from earlier. It’s just how it sounds, I’ll teach you how to be a true first mate to Luffy, just like how I was to Roger. But first, drink this.”

He handed Zoro a cup of water, and he drowned it, helping clear up his mind. He took a deep breath, thinking before he spoke.

“I wanna do it. I want to be useful to Luffy.”

Rayleigh smiled and staring straight into Zoro’s eye, he asked, “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Rayleigh placed his hand onto Zoro’s thigh and inched it towards the red sash holding his green coat closed.

“Then, we’ll start the first lesson now.”

He pulled on the sash, loosening it until it fell. Zoro’s swords clattered to the ground and the flowing sash covered them.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

Zoro shot to his feet and his face paled.

“The first lesson is obedience. A first mate must be completely obedient to his captain.”

Zoro took a step back, and Rayleigh took a step forward. This pattern continued until Zoro hit the wall, cornering him. Rayleigh leaned over him, his arm resting above Zoro’s head. 

Hunger was all Zoro could see in Rayleigh’s eyes. Ferocious hunger that reminded Zoro of a lion on the brink of starvation, who just found a plump antelope. Goosebumps littered his arms as he stood frozen with fear. Rayleigh was the lion, and Zoro was his antelope - a meal ready to satisfy his fierce appetite.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”

As he spoke, he lifted Zoro’s chin with his finger.

“But, I’ll train you well for Luffy.”

Their lips made contact. Zoro froze and thought of only one thing: Luffy. He wanted to be better. He  _ needed _ to be better. It didn’t matter how or in what way, but he had to amend for his failures. 

The two men separated, each catching their breath.

“I’ll do it,” Zoro responded.

“Good.”

Rayleigh leaned down again, this time more aggressive. His tongue made its way into Zoro’s mouth, intermingling with the others’. His hand gripped Zoro’s damp and dirty hair and yanked his head closer. The sharp movements shifted Zoro’s coat off his shoulders and onto his stocky triceps.

“Nghhn,” Zoro moaned.

His chest twisted, begging for air, as they continued to interlock. With his throat hungry for sweet oxygen, his eyes teared. Finally, they released. Saliva dripped down his neck as he gulped the euphoric air. Rayleigh’s face filled with pleasure as he watched Zoro suffer.

“Let’s go to the back,” he said.

With a blank mind focused on clinging to every word Rayleigh spoke, Zoro nodded and followed him to the bedroom. 

“A first mate must always submit himself physically, mentally, and emotionally.”

Each word he said correlated with the unbuckling of Zoro’s coat.

“To be a first mate is to be an extension of your captain. You are not your own person, but rather, a vessel for Luffy.”

The green coat dropped to the floor, leaving Zoro shirtless. Rayleigh pushed Zoro onto the bed and unbuckled his pants. 

“Now I want you to do exactly as I say.”

Zoro nodded.

“Take off the rest of your clothes.”

Zoro, in his drunken stupor, had trouble kicking off his boots, but once he did, he slipped out of his dark pants, revealing his limp dick, and pulled off his haramaki, leaving him naked. Rayleigh smirked.

“Lift your legs.”

Zoro obliged, lifting his legs, and like grass before wind, he bent them at the knees in obedience. Rayleigh crawled onto the bed, positioned himself between Zoro’s raised legs, pants clinging to his thighs, with his erect dick exposed. 

Grabbing Zoro’s hand, Rayleigh lifted it to his mouth. One by one, he sucked on the calloused fingers, their flavor stinging of alcohol. Once coated in saliva, Rayleigh led Zoro’s hand to his rectum. He leaned close to Zoro’s face, his warm breath brushing his cheek.

“You need to prepare yourself first.”

Still guiding Zoro, Rayleigh pushed Zoro’s index finger inside of his warm cavity. A moan, filled with pleasure and pain, escaped Zoro. His dick twitched with the sudden entrance.

“I’ve seen you’ve done this before.”

Zoro blushed and ignored his comment. Rayleigh inserted another finger. Zoro’s body accepted it graciously, his shaft now fully erect, and his body trembling with arousal. 

“Let’s see if you can handle another.”

A third finger was shoved in and a jolting pain spread through Zoro. 

“Ah-h, n-no more,” Zoro begged. 

Rayleigh shifted Zoro’s hand up and down with a fiery tempo. His fingertips penetrated the chilly air, before being plunged back into his entrance, bumping his prostate each time.

“Ahh, s-stop,” 

Zoro’s voice trembled and his body curled with gratification, while his free hand clenched the sheets, and his hard dick dribbled with thick white liquid, ready to be released. Rayleigh stopped his movements, removing Zoro’s fingers.

“You’re ready now.”

With one fluent motion, he jabbed his thick cock into Zoro, his body gladly receiving the foreign object. 

With his firm hands placed on Zoro’s stern hips, Rayleigh thrust further into Zoro, then backed out again. The rhythmic push and pull were like the ocean’s tide, each movement with more ferocity than the last. 

The men’s pleasurable moans permeated through the air, bouncing off the walls and out the open window, echoing through the silent night.

“I-I’m cumming,” cried Zoro.

“Hold it,” demanded Rayleigh through gritted teeth.

Zoro pulled the sheets, trying to hold himself, but with each pleasurable movement, his body couldn’t take it anymore. On the brink of release, he covered his mouth, trying to hold in his moans. Rayleigh pulled his hand out of the way.

“Let me hear you.”

Zoro let out a loud moan as he cummed, coating his chest in his liquid. Instead of stopping, Rayleigh quickened his pace and tightened his powerful grip, bruising Zoro’s hips. 

“Wait-t, st... top. I’ve alread… y…” Zoro cried between groans of pain.

“Just a bit longer.”

As he said this, Rayleigh's body burned with pleasure, and he cummed inside of Zoro. Rayleigh collapsed onto Zoro, staying still for a while, listening to him breathe. Zoro panted, his tired body just wanted to rest, and his hazy mind couldn’t think. Rayleigh’s warm body soothed him to sleep.

  
  



	2. Lesson Two: Strength

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have no idea what to write in these Author’s Notes. My friend told me I should talk about the Fic, but that’s boring, so instead, I’ll talk about something much more interesting: The pigeons outside my window.   
> When I first moved in, these bastards were the bane of my existence. They are always cooing in the early morning or fucking all the time (Pigeon sex is LOUD), but now, I have been using them to their fullest potential.   
> First of all, they’re a great alarm clock. Their coos wake me up at 7, precisely, every day, no matter the weather or temperature, weekend or weekday. They’re always on time, no exception.   
> They also make splendid weapons. After a ‘disagreement’ with my neighbor, I’ve been training my pigeons to shit on their car. Just sprinkle some bird food around the vehicle, at the same time, every day, and bam, sudden pigeon storm. Now they flock to their car, waiting for their food.   
> And the best part is their babies. They look like hairless rats with wings, and I love them. 
> 
> Anyway, I had a blast continuing an old story, so I really hope you guys enjoy <3

_ Coo. Coo. Coo. _

Zoro groaned, flipped in bed, and covered his head with the pillow, trying to block out the noise.

_ Coo. Coo. Coo. _

“Shut up!”

He threw his pillow at the window, and a flock of pigeons flew away. Sitting up in bed, he rubbed his sore temples with the palms of his hands. Everything hurt.

The door flung open, and Shakky entered.

“Good morning.”

Zoro stared at her, confused, his vision still blurry and his head pounding in rhythm with his heartbeat.

“This is just like yesterday,” she laughed, “although, this time you’re missing some… things.”

Zoro’s head shot towards his legs, and he saw his nude body.

“Oh… um,” he raced to the blanket and covered himself, “uh... Yeah.”

Shakky laughed again

“My husband can be quite mischievous when drunk. Your clothes are drying right now, so you might want to take a shower.”

She pointed to a door.

“Just right through there.”

“Thanks.”

She left the room, and Zoro thought about the night before. As the memories flashed by, the blood rushed to his face and he sighed. 

“I’m never drinking again,” he mumbled.

He stood up, stroking his sore back, and went into the bathroom. As he stepped onto the freezing tiles of the shower, his toes coiled and goosebumps sprouted across his entire body. He turned the old dial and waited for the warm water to engulf him. It was nice and exactly what he needed. Steam filled the room, fogged up the mirror, and made it harder to breathe. 

“Ugh,” he said as last night continued to replay in his head, “What was I thinking?”

As water trailed down his body, he smoothed his face and stretched his legs. It’s not like he regretted having sex with Rayleigh, he just regretted the awkward aftermath that bound to happen. One-night stands were better with strangers, not friends. Then he thought of Luffy, and the relationship that bloomed from that one drunken night, the one where the instigator and the recipient blurred, and he erased that thought. Maybe friends were better than strangers.

Once his fingertips began to shrivel, he left the shower, grabbed a towel, and dried himself. With the towel wrapped around his waist, he opened the door and saw his clothes folded on the bed. He dressed, the clean fabric smelling of flowery soap, and entered the bar.

A savory and potent aroma permeated through the air, and the sound of eggs sizzling echoed from the kitchen. Shakky entered the bar, a plate in hand, stacked with various breakfast foods. She placed the plate at a table.

“Come and eat.”

Zoro looked at the plate, and his mouth watered.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he said, “or wash my clothes... or any of this stuff.”

“But I wanted to,” she smiled, “It’s nice having a young face around here and I haven’t seen Rayleigh this happy since… well, since two years ago. Think of it as a thank you.”

“But-”

“Hurry and eat, your food’s getting cold.”

Zoro gave up and sat. Shakky watched from the bar as he took a bite, then another. It was good - amazing, better than the burger from the previous night. There was just something about a home-cooked meal that surpassed every possible expectation. He inhaled the entire plate of food in a matter of minutes.

“I’m glad you like it.”

Zoro blushed.

“I haven’t had anything this good in two years. Kuraigana’s food was so bad, it made me miss a certain stupid cook.”

“Really? I thought the famed Hawkeye would be an excellent chef.”

“He is, but he’s not the one who made food for me.”

Shakky leaned in closer. 

“Your training must have been tough.”

“Yeah, but…” he thought of Luffy, “It was worth it.”

The front door burst open, and Rayleigh entered, a bag in hand. He placed it on the bar and stretched.

“Something smells good. Did you make me breakfast?”

“No,” Shakky responded, “Flaky husbands don’t get fed.”

“But-”

“I said no.”

She scooped up Zoro’s empty plate and went back to the kitchen. Rayleigh sighed with a smile.

“She’s so cruel.”

He grabbed a seat next to Zoro, placed his feet on the table, and leaned back in his chair. Zoro, frozen, did not know what to say, and a heavy silence blanketed them. He bit his lip and looked at his lap, his leg bouncing up and down.

Rayleigh yawned.

“I’m exhausted,” he stood up, “I’m gonna make some coffee, want a cup?”

“S-sure.”

His dry mouth could just stumble out the syllables, and, to his shame, it relieved him to watch Rayleigh’s frame disappear into the doorway. 

Zoro’s body relaxed, but he knew he had to say something. He couldn’t pretend nothing happened, not after everything Rayleigh had done for the crew, but being in the same room with him was unbearably awkward. Zoro rested his head on the table. 

“What am I going to do?” he mumbled.

The hinges creaked as the door opened and footsteps clunked closer to Zoro, but he didn’t move. The chair across from him scraped against the ground and a mug slammed next to his head.

“Guess you are tired.”

Rayleigh laughed and Zoro sat up again.

“Yeah, guess I am.”

He sipped the coffee - hot and bitter. They sat in silence again.

“So,” Rayleigh finally spoke up, “Do you want to continue your lessons?”

Zoro choked on his coffee, shocked at his abruptness.

“Of course, you can always opt-out.”

“Le-let me think about it,” Zoro said between coughs. 

Rayleigh grinned.

“Well, you know where to find me.”

He left the room and Zoro fell back into his chair. 

“Seriously, what am I going to do?”

Not wanting to return to Sunny with Kuma still on guard, he wandered around, passing person after person, building after building, with no real direction. The Sabaody from two years ago was so different from the one Zoro walked, that he couldn’t believe it was the same island. No marines patrolled the streets, and no celestial dragons visited for their horrid entertainments. 

Zoro liked it better this way. Surrounded by rowdy criminals and rough pirates, he felt at home. It reminded him of a time long past and sparked excitement for the future soon to come. A smile struck across his face.

Old wanted signs of him and his crew littered walls and alleyways, most of them ripped and ruined, and their faded faces rendered almost unrecognizable. He chuckled at the price of their old bounties and wondered how much his head would cost now, with all of his training and preparing; He wondered what Luffy’s head would cost. After all, Luffy could never let an opportunity to become stronger go to waste. 

In his daze and with his active mind, he didn’t realize where his feet took him. His foot slammed against a large stone, bringing him back to reality. The brief pain disappeared, and he explored his new surroundings. As his eyes fell upon a ruined building, its stones scattered across the entire area, it all came rushing back, and he froze. 

He turned and saw a tree decorated with scars and burns. Holes and spots of missing grass everywhere. Zoro took a step back. His legs trembled, and he reached for his swords. He tried to run but fell to the ground. 

Kizaru and Rayleigh in battle, Chopper indiscriminately attacking, Luffy soaked in blood and the pain. The unbearable pain spread across his entire body, like hundreds of knives pricked into his skin mixed with scorching heat. 

Zoro clenched his heart, and his panicked, quick breaths agonized his lungs. He needed to leave. He had to leave.

He staggered to his feet. With a spinning head, he walked. His timid legs were slow, but it was the fastest he could move. 

He didn’t know how long had passed before he came back to his senses, but the sun blared above, and his stomach cried for food. 

Relaxed that the sight was no longer in view, Zoro collapsed to the ground. His heart raced. Bile crept its way up his throat and he gulped to keep it down. 

“Fuck!” he yelled, “Fuck...”

He chewed on his lacerated lips, and his tongue tasted the metallic tinge of blood. His breath calmed and his trembling hand clenched the handles of his swords. 

“I thought… I thought I was over it.”

He rubbed his face, sat up, and looked at his hands.

“It’s not enough… “

He thought of Kuma’s face, the pain, and his crew. 

It didn’t matter how - he needed to be stronger. He needed to be useful to Luffy.

The door to the bar flew open and Zoro rushed in, his agitated face bright red. Rayleigh jumped at the surprise.

“I’ll do it,” Zoro said, “Let’s continue the lessons.”

Rayleigh relaxed and took a breath.

“Alright.”

He motioned to the empty chair across from him. Zoro sat in it. 

“Lesson two is strength. Strength is very important, and both physical and mental strength is necessary. It has many forms, but we’ll focus on three.”

Rayleigh clasped Zoro’s hand between his. Their fiery warmth engulfed Zoro with discomfort.

“Communication is the first. If something is bothering you, you must talk about it.”

Zoro pulled his hand away. Of course, communication was important, he knew that, but it wasn’t what he needed. What he needed was a way to get rid of the terrible feeling that enshrouded him and talking would not absolve it. 

“I know.”

Rayleigh studied his face for a moment as if he was waiting for him to speak, but after Zoro stayed quiet, he continued.

“Since it seems you’re not interested in mental strength, we’ll go ahead with the physical aspect.”

He stood up and headed towards the back room.

“Come.”

Zoro followed, and his agitation rose.

“Get on the bed.”

Zoro sat on the edge of the bed, and his foot tapped, his impulsive body begging to be touched - to be relieved. Rayleigh leaned over and moved Zoro’s coat just enough to expose one of his nipples. Being very careful, he dragged his finger around it. Zoro sucked in air between clenched teeth.

“The other strengths we’ll focus on are endurance and patience. Captains aren’t always the smartest, and they tend to follow every whim. As a first mate, you must put up with this, no matter how annoying it can be.”

He rubbed Zoro’s protruded nipple between two of his fingers. Every sensation seemed to be amplified by the pit of torrid emotion deep in Zoro’s chest, and a wicked, burning desire grew inside of him. He let out a little moan. 

“Let’s see how long you can last.” 

Rayleigh pushed him further onto the bed and placed his mouth on his chest. He danced his tongue around the tan bud. 

It felt amazing, and Zoro was hard.

Rayleigh moved his tongue across his chest, dragging it along old scars and wounds, leaving a trail of warm spit. The slow, soft movements sent shivers along his spine and teased his body. But it wasn’t enough; he wanted more, and the blood rushed to his head. 

Rayleigh watched Zoro’s face grow red and stopped. 

“W-why... did’ya stop?” Zoro asked between pants.

“Like I said before - patience and endurance. Here, hold these.”

He placed his glasses on Zoro’s nose, the cold metal frame being a stark contrast to his scorching face. Zoro blinked twice to adjust to the lense, and Rayleigh blushed.

“You look cute.”

He shifted back and fiddled with the button on Zoro’s pants. He took out Zoro’s cock, brought his lips to the tip, and plunged further down. Warm, burning, amazing - Zoro shuddered. His back arched, and he pulled at Rayleigh's hand. Never had anyone ever given him such great head. Normally, he was the giver - not the receiver.

For future reference, he made mental notes as Rayleigh swirled his tongue with his teeth delicately scraping along the skin and the buzz of slight pain it gave him. He’d definitely had to try it out with  _ him _ . 

Strands of the silver hair tickled his thigh as Rayleigh bobbed his head, and the musky smell of sweat filled the air.

He couldn’t hold it anymore; He wanted to curl in gratification and melt away. He latched onto Rayleigh’s hair. It was cool, damp, but it felt good against Zoro’s burning hand.

As Rayleigh’s eyes flickered to Zoro’s sinful face, with his glasses sitting crooked, he chuckled, his warm breaths pulsating against Zoro’s cock, and backed off. 

A bridge of spit still connected them. Rayleigh whipped the drool dripping from his mouth and pushed his disheveled hair out of his face. 

Neither of the men spoke. Zoro couldn’t speak. His body cried for more, and his eyes said all that needed to be said.

Rayleigh went down again, this time gentler, softer. Bathed in a fiery heat, Rayleigh dipped his tongue into Zoro’s slit. The uneven, flaring breaths of Zoro fogged the lense of the glasses and he could hardly see.

His mind raced. He was the one being sucked off, and yet, he had not an ounce of control. His body stopped listening to him, and his movements were only motivated by primal pleasure. 

The heat of Rayleigh’s mouth and the tightness of his throat brought a moan to the tip of his tongue. He clamped his mouth shut, trying to keep it in, but as Rayleigh brought his hand to Zoro’s cock and stroked it using both his hand and mouth, it escaped. 

Winded, ragged, feeble; the moan came from a part of Zoro that he always tried to hide. The part that broke his stoic, apathetic image. One that only one other man has heard. Zoro bit his lip in embarrassment. 

And against Zoro’s wishes, Rayleigh seemed to take this moan as a reassuring sign. He increased his pace; His mouth on the tip, and his hand on the shaft. It was inescapable now - Rayleigh dangled the key to climatic pleasure in front of Zoro, and soon, he was going to clasp it.

“I’m almost there…” he moaned.

Once more, Rayleigh pulled away. Zoro trembled on the bed, his hands clenching the soft sheets of the bed and his dick about to burst. 

“Why?” he asked.

“Patience and endurance,” Rayleigh responded with a grin.

After these words, he grabbed his glasses from Zoro and left the room. Patience was never Zoro’s strongest suit, and so he finished himself off. 


	3. Lesson Three: Courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thrift shopping the other day, and there was one of those old crappy joke books. Of course, as a connoisseur of comedy, I bought it, and wow was it hilarious. Anyways, I decided to share my favorite joke with y’all. I’ll put the punchline at the bottom Author’s notes, just to keep you on your toes.  
> Q: What do you call a kind witch?

Lesson Three: Courage

“Zorrrrrro!”

A woman ran at Zoro and wrapped her arms around his neck. He stumbled back, almost falling over, and dug his heels into the ground to stay upright. 

For a moment, his body chilled, goosebumps popping up on his arms as if all the heat had been sucked from him, and he could have sworn his heart skipped a beat or two. He blinked as he stared at her face. 

“Nami?”

His soft voice brimmed with surprise.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

He looked at her, her hands still wrapped around him. She was different; older, prettier. She no longer looked like the timid person who used to cower behind him, but like an adult who can handle herself. He couldn’t resist, and a giant smile struck his face.

“You look… different,” he finally said.

Nami studied his face, his larger build, the scar across his eye.

“So do you.”

She released her grip. Like a rock in a river, the crowd moved around them, annoyed at their disturbance of the flow.

“When did you arrive?”

“Earlier this morning. I waited for you at Shakky’s place, but you didn’t show, so I decided to look for you.”

“Sorry, I was on a walk.”

She jabbed her elbow into his side.

“You sure you weren’t lost?”

Zoro rolled his eye, and a man ran by, almost knocking Nami to the ground. She cussed at him. 

“Ugh, this is annoying,” she groaned, “Let’s go to Sunny and talk.”

“Sunny? Uh, yeah, we can go there.”

Zoro took a deep breath. He couldn’t avoid going back to Sunny forever, and now that Nami’s with him, he thought he could handle it, even if it was with a facade of bravery. They left for the ship with Zoro following her footsteps.

“Oh, yeah. Franky is here too.”

“Franky?”

“Yeah, he came soon after me. I tried to convince him to come with me, but he refused to leave Sunny alone again.”

He grinned. Being away from Sunny for so long probably pained Franky, and Zoro doubted he would ever leave her again. 

“He didn’t change much.”

Nami laughed.

“No… he’s, uh, quite different now.”

Zoro waited for her to continue, but she said no more. His stomach churned. He didn’t know why, but ever since he’s been with her, his berserk heart pounded, and sweat sprouted from his hands. Maybe it was just excitement, but his curling nausea felt much more sinister. His hand fell onto the ends of his swords. 

They reached the ship, and Zoro held his breath in anticipation. He searched for Kuma, but only Franky marched around Sunny, stopping every few steps, inspecting the haul, prodding and poking the wooden planks. A pile of scrap towered near him and he carried a bundle of wood on his shoulder, with Kuma nowhere to be found. Before Zoro could ask about him, Nami waved her hand in the air.

“Franky!” She yelled, “I found him!”

Franky dropped everything, the wood spilling across the grass, and rushed over. Zoro’s eye widened as the bulky figure drew closer, the ground shaking ever so slightly each time its foot hit it. Whatever rushed towards him, with its enormous arms, mechanical legs, and a shaved head, looked more machine than man. 

Franky hooked his arm around Zoro’s neck, almost knocking him to the ground, and rubbed his head, making a mess of his hair. The smell of oil and metal overtook the air.

“It’s suuppper great to see you!”

After struggling, Zoro escaped the grasp and stepped back, trying to catch his breath. Despite his new looks, Franky was still Franky. His feeling of dread subsided just a bit.

“Good to see you too.”

“Don’t I just look awesome?” Franky flexed his arms. “Nami doesn't seem to truly appreciate my upgrades, but I know you will.”

Zoro laughed. It might not have been his taste, but he knew that a certain group comprising a sniper, doctor, and a straw hat would be head over heels for his modifications. 

“Yes, you do.”

“See, I told you so!” Franky shouted at Nami.

She rolled her eyes.

“C’mon, let’s go on the deck.”

As they boarded the ship, Rayleigh stepped out of the gallery and onto the main deck. 

“Huh? Why is he here?” Zoro muttered under his breath. 

“He’s been keeping me company,” Franky said.

“Oh good, you’re all together,” Rayleigh smiled, “let’s have dinner.”

“Now?” Zoro asked.

“No, not now. In a couple of hours. At my place - I’d feel bad using the Sunny’s gallery without your cook's permission.”

“I’d love to,” Nami said.

“Me too.”

They looked to Zoro for his answer. He preferred to be alone with the crew, but dinner with everyone was not the worst thing. 

“Sure,” he said.

“Perfect, I’ll tell Shakky.”

Rayleigh began disembarking the ship, leaving the others to continue their conversation. 

“Let’s talk at dinner,” Franky said, “I still have to inspect the ship.”

Nami nodded.

“That’s fine, I kinda wanted to look around, anyway.”

Zoro’s heart clenched, and his body felt heavy. Avoiding eye contact, he responded. 

“Oh… okay.”

His voice, though he tried to hide it, had a hint of disappointment. Rayleigh stopped and stared at him.

“If you have nothing to do, why don’t you come with me? I could use some help.”

Zoro’s face lit up. He’d much rather be with Rayleigh than alone. 

“Alright.”

He ran to catch up with him, and the two headed for the bar, leaving Franky and Nami on the ship.

“I’d thought you’d be happy seeing your crew again.”

Zoro stopped in his tracks and gave Rayleigh a quizzical look.

“I am happy.”

“You don’t look like it.”

Zoro combed his hand through his hair, pushing it back.

“I’m just not feeling well.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, it is. I'm pretty sure I know my own feelings.”

“I wonder,” Rayleigh whispered, and they continued to walk.

He did know his feelings, and he did know the terrible depth of dread digging into his stomach that sparked terrible anguish through his body was not because of the crew.

“Luffy used to talk about you a lot.”

Sweat prickled Zoro’s head and the churning in his stomach worsened. 

“L-Luffy?”

“Yeah. His face lit up whenever he mentioned you. Sometimes he’d ramble on and on for hours, praising and fawning all over you.”

His legs felt weak, as if his knees would buckle at any moment, but his heart fluttered at the thought of Luffy talking about him.

“You’re exaggerating. Luffy doesn’t care that much about me. Maybe if you said food I’d believe you, but… but not me.”

Rayleigh laughed.

“I think you're underestimating your importance to him.”

“I’m not. Luffy cares about everyone equally, be it stranger or friend. I really doubt he sees me as more important than anyone else, especially not after…”

He trailed off and looked at his feet. Luffy saw him as a beloved member of his crew, and nothing else, and probably even less after his failures.

Rayleigh slapped his back, hard. His body jerked, followed by a stinging pain that rang throughout.

“C’mon. Have more confidence. You guys fucked, right? So obviously you mean something to him.”

Zoro blushed.

“Th-that has nothing to do with this! It’s not like we were exclusive or anything. And… and we also fucked, does that mean I’m something to you?”

Rayleigh rubbed his head.

“Yeah, you’re my student. I care for all my students.”

Zoro scoffed as they reached the bar. Before Rayleigh entered, he made eye-contact with him. He looked serious.

“But really, you need to give yourself more credit. Your crew cares for you, and,” he paused, “and they don’t blame you.”

He entered, but Zoro stayed outside, thinking about Rayleigh’s words, and deep down, knew he was right. His crew didn’t blame him. They couldn’t; it wasn’t in their nature. Their kindness knew how to look over mistakes, and, no matter what, they’d accept him with open arms. But he was different. He always kept everyone on track, always called out weakness, and took everything seriously. And taking this stance, he failed to meet his own expectations. They might not blame him, but he blamed himself, and that was enough to destroy any confidence he had. 

He sighed, shook his head, trying to erase these thoughts, and entered. Shakky stood behind the bar, pulling food out of the fridge, and Rayleigh wiped the tables.

“Come help.”

He pointed to the straw broom leaning against the wall. Zoro grasped it, swept the wooden floor, and a cloud of dust rose, seeping into his lungs. He coughed.

“Sorry, it’s been a while since we’ve cleaned,” Shakky said, while glaring at Raleigh.

“Well, we haven’t had many guests over the years.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

With the food in hand, Shakky entered the back kitchen. Rayleigh sighed but had a slight grin.

“Always nagging.”   
They scrubbed the floors, sanitized every table and chair, wiped the cobwebs from the ceiling, and by the time they finished, hours passed. Rayleigh collapsed into a chair, the entire room sparkling.

“I don’t know what it is about cleaning, but it tires me out.”

Zoro sat in the chair next to him.

“I agree.”

The two chatted, but as the time for the dinner grew closer, and savory smells permeated from the kitchen, Rayleigh changed the subject.

“You ready for your third lesson?”

Zoro blushed.

“Right now?”

“No, later.”

Zoro’s racing heart calmed.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Good. Lesson three is courage. Courage is one of the most important lessons. Without courage, bravery, confidence, or anything of that sort, a first mate is useless.”

Zoro thought of his nightmares, his panic attacks, of Kuma, and a wave of shame hit him. How could he ever be useful to Luffy if he couldn’t even sleep without dreading every moment he closed his eye?

“Now most think that courage is not feeling any fear, but that’s not what it is. Courage is  _ admitting _ you feel fear. It’s okay to be scared, but don't hide it under a false mask of bravery. If you do, it’ll bite you in the ass.” 

Rayleigh looked at Zoro. His eyes said it all - he knew. He knew Zoro’s fear, his anxiety, his guilt. 

“Talk about your fears. If not with Luffy, then another crewmate, or... me.”

Zoro quivered, the words on the tip of his tongue. For the past two years, he kept his silence, but he couldn’t take it anymore - he needed to tell someone. He might regret it later, but at the second, his mind cleared, and his dry lips parted. 

“I-”

The door flung open, and Nami entered, bags hanging from her arms. The dense atmosphere shocked her, and she took a step back.

“Oh, am I interrupting something?”

“No, not at all,” Zoro replied quickly.

“Sorry I’m early, I wanted to see if I could help with anything.”

“I think we did everything we could up here, but you could ask Shakky.”

Rayleigh pointed towards the kitchen door.

“Alrighty.”

She placed her bags next to the bar and went to the back. Rayleigh stood up.  
“Let’s talk later. Come help me set the table.”

Zoro exhaled and got up. Maybe it was a sign that Nami interrupted. 

As they finished, Franky came in, and Nami and Shakky brought out the food. Rayleigh sat next to Zoro, Nami and Franky across from them, with Shakky at the head of the table.

“It looks delicious!” Franky said.

“Thank you,” Shakky replied, “Although I can’t take all the credit, Nami made the orange glaze for the ham.”

“C’mon that was nothing. You did the heavy work,” Nami said.

“Well thank you, ladies,” Rayleigh said, “I haven’t had a home cooked meal in a long time.”

“There’s no point in talking, let’s dig in.” 

Food piled their plates, wine brimmed their glasses, and their conversations and laughter filled the room. The pleasant noises and the calming familiarity struck a smile across Zoro’s face.

“You’ll never guess what happened when I got to Sunny!” Franky said.

“What? Did something bad happen?” Nami asked with concern.

“Bad? No. But strange. Kuma, of all people, was guarding the ship.”

Nami exhaled, and Zoro’s ears pricked towards the conversion. 

“You had me worried there for a moment.”

“You’re not shocked or anything?”

“I already knew.”

Franky looked to Zoro, expecting an answer.

“I knew too,” he said.

“Ugh, no fun,” he fell back into his seat, “But, that’s not all - When he saw me, he just hobbled away.”

“You mean he moved?” Zoro asked with a slight tremor in his voice.

If he could still move, did that mean he could still attack? And if he could still attack, could Zoro defeat him, or would his attempts be an utter failure, just like last time? Zoro focused on controlling his breathing, trying to conceal his panic.

“Yeah, he left. Don’t know where, but I haven’t seen him since.”

Zoro shivered. If he were lucky, he’d never meet him again. 

“Weird, but I guess everything surrounding him has been a mystery,” Nami turned her head to Zoro, “Speaking of mysteries, where did you end up? I mean, Rayleigh told me a few things, but I want to hear from you.”

He relaxed at the change of topic.

“Kuraigana island, with Hawkeye Mihawk.”

Franky laughed.

“So it’s true! When I heard from Rayleigh, I was sure he was joking.”

“It was just you and Hawkeye?” asked Nami, “That must have been uncomfortable.”

“No. Perona was there as well.”

“Perona? Why does that name sound familiar?”

“You meet her on Thriller Bark.”

“Thriller Bark?” Nami’s face dropped in realization, “You mean the weird ghost girl, with the creepy eyes, and the annoying ghost minions? That girl?”

Zoro laughed. He imagined Perona’s reaction if she heard herself being described this way.

“Yes, that girl.”

Franky looked at him with sympathetic eyes.

“You poor soul, it must have been tough.”

Zoro thought of Kuraigana island. The skills he learned, getting closer to Hawkeye and the unfamiliar, but pleasant, quietness of the whole place. He enjoyed being with the crew more, but it wasn’t the worst experience he had. He smiled.

“It wasn’t that bad. I learned a lot. What about you guys?”

Franky shoved a full spoon into his mouth.

“I whas on Karakuri iland,” he swallowed his food, “A barren ice hell-hole, and the home of the famed Vegapunk.”

Rayleigh placed his hand onto Zoro’s knee. Too engrossed in Franky’s story, Zoro didn’t even notice.

“After causing a bit of trouble here and there, I discovered one of his abandoned labs.”

The hand inched up his thigh. Zoro looked down, then at Rayleigh, Rayleigh stared straight at Franky, not even flinching. Zoro took a drink.

“A bunch of amazing blueprints and old projects were just left behind, waiting to be used, so I had some fun.”

Rayleigh tugged on Zoro’s zipper. Shocked, Zoro choked on his drink. Wine dripped from his mouth as he coughed. He fumbled around, looking for a napkin. 

Rayleigh pulled out his dick and slowly rubbed his shaft. Zoro gasped.

“I know right! It was shocking,” Franky continued.

After watching him struggle with sympathetic eyes, Nami handed him a stack of napkins.

“You alright?”

Zoro grabbed them and nodded. He glared at Rayleigh, but Rayleigh didn’t even glance at him. He tried to remove Rayleigh’s hand, but Rayleigh stayed strong.

“That’s about it - Well, other than making myself look super awesome.”

“As thrilling as your adventures sound, mine tops them out. I was on a sky island.” 

Nami’s face glowed. Rayleigh increased his speed. Zoro’s leg twitched, and he gnawed on his finger. If this is what he meant by bravery, Zoro much rather be a coward. 

“I learned even more weather abnormalities, wind patterns, and… and types of storms to expect in the New World. It was heaven.”

Zoro nudged Rayleigh with his elbow. He turned to Zoro.

“What’s wrong?” he asked with a sadistic grin.

Zoro scowled at him and mouthed ‘stop’. He shook his head no, and his eyes showed he was enjoying every bit of this. 

“N-nothing,” Zoro responded through gritted teeth.

Angry, Zoro reached for Rayleigh’s fly. He wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine, but before he could even undo the button, Rayleigh gripped his wrist, and gave Zoro a sharp glare, shaking his head. 

“I’m secretly glad,” Nami continued, “Not about what happened two years ago, or Ace's death, or anything like that, but… but I don’t think I could have navigated the New World. But, I’m ready now. I can take us to Raftel.”

The way Rayleigh rubbed Zoro’s tip with his thumb, and the fast, but gentle movements made Zoro’s body betray him. He clenched the seat of his chair and a shiver went down his spine. His face grew red. Franky laughed and nodded.

“I agree. Look at what this experience gave me!”

He moved his arms, flexing them, and showing them off. 

“I’m glad,” Shakky said, “I was scared you’d take the split up hard.”

They looked at Zoro, expecting him to say something. 

“O-oh yeah,” he said between pants, “It was a go-od learning experience.”

It took everything he had to keep calm. He continuously tried to move Rayleigh’s hand, but any resistance caused Rayleigh to move faster.

“That’s good. I thought it would have been hard on you,” Nami said, staring at his scarlet face.

“Ha-rd?” Rayleigh tightened his grip, “Wh-why would you think that?”

He was close, he could feel it. He gave Rayleigh a warning look, trying to hint he was close to cumming. Rayleigh caught on, grabbed a napkin, and slipped it under the table.

“Well…” Nami stared at the scar across his eye.

Rayleigh moved slower, tamer.

“She’s trying to ask about what happened to your eye,” Franky said abruptly. 

Rayleigh placed the napkin over Zoro’s tip, and he cummed.

“Oh…” Zoro moaned, but luckily for him, the group took it as an embarrassed exclamation. 

His body burned in the most amazing way. He tried to subside his fierce pants and stop his body from shaking.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Nami rushed out.

He glanced at Rayleigh, who had a giant smile painted across his face. He bit into his lip, fighting every instinct that wanted to smack that cocky smirk off of his face. 

He relaxed his body, readjusted in his seat, and took a deep breath.

“It’s not an interesting story. It was a… training mishap.”

“I see…” She continued to talk, but Zoro drowned it out.

He thought back to Kuraigana, just a couple of months after he arrived. He’d been training night and day, hardly sleeping, hardly eating. He only focused on getting stronger, and nothing else. Perona tried to convince him to take a break, and even Hawkeye told him to rest, but he ignored them. After day and night, fighting Humandrills, Zoro confronted Hawkeye.

“Let’s fight,” he said.

Hawkeye looked up from his paper.

“You’re not ready.”

Zoro thought of Sabaody island; his failure. The bandages still wrapped around parts of his body were proof enough - he was weak. He needed to move to the next level. He needed to fight Hawkeye.

“I’ve been here for months now, and I’ve only fought those stupid monkeys.”

Hawkeye glared at Zoro. He felt his eyes peer into his soul. He gulped. Hawkeye folded his paper and placed it onto the table. 

“Okay, but if you ever ask me again,” he stood, his presence shaking Zoro to his core, “you must leave.”

Zoro knew he was serious. The aura he omitted proved that, and the fierce look in eyes showed he had no means of holding back. He nodded.

“That’s fine.”

They went outside and into a clearing. Perona followed in her ghost form.

“You’re really going to fight him?” She asked Zoro, “In your shape?”

He ignored her. 

“I will not go easy on you,” Hawkeye said, “Try not to die.”

Zoro grinned.

“That’s the way I want it.”

They stared at each other. Perona watched with a pale face, and clenched fists. Hawkeye gripped the handle of Yoru, the giant sword on his back. Zoro placed the Wado Ichimonji in his mouth. 

A second went by, each man keeping an eye on the other. After a soft breeze passed, Zoro was the first to move. With speed, he charged at Hawkeye. Perona could hardly see his figure, but Hawkeye easily parried the blow. Hawkeye swung, and Zoro jumped out of the way. 

They continued like this, clashing against each other, but it was clear who had the upper hand. Zoro grew tired, but Hawkeye made every move seem effortless - like Zoro’s attacks were nothing. 

Hawkeye swung his sword and Zoro jumped backwards. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. His body ached. He had done no damage to Hawkeye. It was just like before. He couldn’t even raise his sword against Kuma, so why’d he expect he could defeat the world's best swordsman?

Hawkeye charged at him. Zoro raised his swords to block. 

He thought of the towering shadow, his injured crew, his fear. 

His arm faltered, and Yoru connected with his eye. Hawkeye pulled his hands back just before the sword went any further. 

Zoro clenched the new gash, and blood bubbled from the cracks of his fingers and down his face. He groaned.

“Zoro!” Perona yelled. 

He stumbled. It hurt; it hurt so much. The pain spread through his entire face. He couldn’t see. His vision blurred with blood. Perona’s ghost disappeared.

Hawkeye took a step back as well. He seemed shocked, but quickly gained composure again.

“You couldn’t even block a blow that weak. You are far from ready.”

He returned to the castle, and Perona came running out with an armful of medical supplies. She reached towards Zoro, but he slapped her hand away.

He was weak. A coward. A failure.

“Hey, are you okay?” Nami asked.

Zoro snapped back to reality, and unconsciously, his hand rubbed his scarred eye. The entire table stared at him. Before Zoro could speak, Rayleigh responded for him.

“He wasn’t feeling well earlier. I guess whatever sickness returned.”

“Do you need to lie down?”

Zoro shook his head.

“No, I’m fine.”

“You sure?” Franky asked, “Don’t want you to get sick before everyone else comes.”

“No, really, I’m fine.”

“Well, I guess this is the perfect time to bring in dessert,” Shakky said. 

She went to the kitchen and brought out a large cake, decorated with fresh strawberries and white frosting. It disappeared in minutes. Leaned back in his chair, Franky stretched his arms.

“Let me help clean up,” he said, “I didn't help earlier.”

“No, it’s fine,” Shakky responded, then she glanced at Zoro, “plus Zoro will help us.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since now.”

Shakky smiled, and after saying thanks, Franky and Nami left.

“You guys got this, I have errands to run,” Shakky said.

She took off as well, leaving Zoro and Rayleigh alone. Zoro didn’t mind helping clean up, not after everything Shakky’s done for him, just not with Rayleigh. He was too angry. He fell back in his seat.

“Thanks to someone, that was way more stressful than it should have been.”

Rayleigh laughed.

“C’mon, it wasn’t  _ that _ bad.”

“What if we got caught? I don’t think I could have ever faced them again.”

“But we didn’t get caught.”

“Was that the lesson then? Did I need courage to be jerked off in front of my friends?”

Rayleigh laughed.

“Your body seemed to enjoy it.”

Zoro sighed and stood up.

“You can clean this mess by yourself.”

He rushed out the door and sped down the hill.

“Wait!” Rayleigh called after him, “Wait, come back! I’m sorry, okay. Don’t leave me alone!”

Zoro flipped him off, continuing into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A: A failure.   
> This joke is a masterpiece and let me tell you why. It’s simple, straight to the point. It also subverts expectations. Like, I bet you didn’t guess the punchline. And finally, it has such relatability. Just like this witch, I too, am a failure. Sorry, mom.


	4. Lesson Four: Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep on starting new fics and now I have like 5 WIPs. One minute I’m writing a fluffy coming-of-age, then the next I’m writing hardcore smut. It’s quite jarring, and sometimes I forget to adapt my writing style to the new genre. It was funny reading over my drafts, and suddenly I’m describing a non-smut scene in an overtly sexual way. Had to quickly fix up that mistake. 
> 
> I’m putting a temporary pause on this fic. Not that anyone really cares, but I tried to update once a week, but I really underestimated my levels of procrastination. There won’t be another chapter for some indiscriminate amount of time.

Zoro’s eye shot open. In the bleak darkness, he couldn’t see much, but the dim glow of the moonlight and the beam of light that razored in from the crack underneath the door gave dark silhouettes to the furniture in the room. Drenched in sweat, he groped at his blanket and stumbled out of the hammock, the icy wooden floor sending chills through his body. 

After entering the bathroom, he turned on the sink and splashed the water at his face. His skin prickled with goosebumps, and his lips shivered, but he felt more relaxed. He checked his reflection. Dark circles bordered his eyes, and his cheeks sagged. He reached his palm out, his fingertips brushing the cold mirror, and clenched his hand. 

He was in the present, not the past. He was safe on Sunny, and not out in battle. 

He exhaled through his nose and fell back onto the toilet seat. His body curled, and he rested his head into his fists. It felt like the entire weight of the ocean rested on his shoulders, its pressure crushing him, with no light - only drear emptiness. 

“Just a nightmare,” he mumbled, “Just another nightmare.”

An hour or two passed - he did not know how long - before he relaxed enough to leave for the upper deck. The sun peeked over the horizon, and beams of purple, pink, and red painted over the black night, covering the stars splattered across the sky. 

_ Bang! Bang! Bang! _

The sound echoed from Sunny’s haul. Panicked, Zoro rushed over, his hand on the hilts of his swords.

_ Bang! Bang! Bang! _

He looked over the side and saw Franky, nails between teeth, hammer in hand, hanging from a scaffold. Franky noticed Zoro.

“Sorry! Did I wake you?”

Zoro shook his head.

“No. But what are you doing?”

“Just some renovations.”

Zoro scrunched his nose.

“This early in the morning?”

“Everyone will be here soon, I have no time to lose.”

He went back to work, and Zoro, not having anything else to do, disembarked the ship. 

‘Soon’, that word stuck with him. As he roamed around, his mind obsessed with ‘soon’. Soon, his crew would be there. Soon, they’ll be at sea once more. Soon, he’ll see Luffy again. His smile, his laugh, his touch. Zoro blushed.

But ‘soon’ was too close. Despite all of his training, he felt unprepared. He needed more time. He needed more strength. 

A burning chill seeped through his skin. One that made his heart race and his stomach swirl. He gnawed on his lip. 

“You’re out early.”

Rayleigh’s voice tore Zoro from his mind and sucked him back to reality. He stood before him, a smile drawn across his face. The burning worsened.

“Yeah, Franky’s working on the ship.”

He avoided mention of his nightmare, and it’s not like he was lying - Franky was working on the ship.

Rayleigh raised his eyebrow as if he was questioning Zoro’s response. 

“Is that so?” 

Zoro nodded. Rayleigh always seemed to know when he lied as if his eyes could peer into his soul. It always made Zoro nervous, except today. He was too distracted to even care. 

“Well, do you have any plans for today?”

“I was actually looking for you.”

“Me! That’s a surprise, you never look for me. What did ya need?”

Zoro rested on his swords, and his legs felt weak as he thought of the past. 

“I want to start my next lesson.”

“Now?” Rayleigh yawned, “It’s early.”

“Yes, now.”

Rayleigh looked at Zoro and smiled.

“Alright, if that’s what you want. Shakky’s sleeping right now, and I don’t want to disturb her, but we can go to a nearby hotel. If that’s fine with you.”

To Zoro, it didn’t matter where - ‘Soon’ was almost here, and the miserable despair reverberating in his body was growing in intensity. 

“Yea, it is.”

“Okay, but I need to pick up some… ‘supplies’ on the way.”

“Supplies? Why?”

Rayleigh placed his hand onto Zoro's shoulder.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Rayleigh entered a store, and Zoro waited outside. More and more people poured into the streets as the sun rose higher, and he kept an eye peeled, watching for any familiar faces. His impatient leg bounced and his restless finger tapped. Time slowed for him, each second adding to his burning agitation, and it felt like hours before Rayleigh’s figure escaped from the store’s doorway. 

Zoro jumped to his feet and rushed towards him. Bags hung from his arms, and Zoro leaned over, trying to take a peek. Rayleigh snatched them from his view. 

“Let’s go,” he said.

They crossed a tree root bridge to another island. A lifetime passed before they entered a shabby hotel. Zoro’s chest tensed even more and his agitated stomach worsened, but not because of the smog clung to the old roof nor the yellow spots stained across the wall. 

“Sorry,” Rayleigh said, “Ever since the crisis, no one comes to Sabaody. A lot of hotels have fallen off.” 

Zoro didn’t respond. He couldn’t care less about Sabaody’s history or the current evolution it was going through. All he cared about was ‘soon’.

Rayleigh stepped up to the counter. The man behind it yawned, using his tobacco-stained hands to cover his mouth.

“Two rooms?”

He smacked his lips as he spoke with his hoarse voice.

“No, just one,” Rayleigh responded. 

With shifty eyes, he looked at one man, then the other. He pushed himself off of his chair. He moved too slowly, and Zoro watched in anticipation. 

He grasped one of the keys hanging from the wall. Zoro bit his lip, waiting for the clerk to hurry. He grew closer to the men, and Zoro held out his hand. The clerk glared at him.

“Let me write your receipt.”

As he rummaged through the desk, Zoro's tapping foot’s tempo increased and his scabbed lip tasted metallic. He felt Rayleigh’s eyes on him, but he didn’t care. 

“Room 223, here’s your receipt.” 

He held the key and paper out, and before Rayleigh could react, Zoro yanked them out of his hands. Grasping Rayleigh’s wrist, he rushed towards the room, almost running.

“Have fun!” He called after them.

With a mind focused only on one thing, Zoro zoomed past door after door, dragging Rayleigh behind, watching the numbers go by: 208. 213. 219. 221. 223.

He skidded to a stop, standing in front of room 223, the wooden door streaked with dust. He struggled to put the key in, his shaking hands unable to insert it straight.

“Hey, calm down,” Rayleigh said.

Zoro didn't respond, and finally, the lock twisted. He pushed his way in, and shoved Rayleigh against the wall, shutting the door with his foot. 

Thoughts of the pain ingrained in his body replayed.

Not leaving a moment’s rest, he pressed his lips against Rayleighs, shoving his tongue into his mouth. Rayleigh’s bags fell to the floor, and with a grunt, he pushed Zoro back.

“What’s wrong with you?”

His weakness.

Zoro wiggled out of his grasp, kicked off his boots, and messed with the buttons on his coat. Rayleigh grasped his hand.

“Seriously, what’s wrong?”

His failure.

Zoro looked at him.

“Nothing.”

His guilt.

Rayleigh sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He led Zoro to the edge of the bed and pushed him onto it. Rayleigh kneeled and began to button up Zoro’s coat.

“We’re not doing this today,” he said.

Zoro shot to his feet.

“Why not?”

His harsh voice cracked as he spoke, and the color of his cheeks tinted red.

“You’re obviously not in the best mental state.”

Zoro grabbed the collar of Rayleigh's shirt.

“I’m fine.”

Rayleigh shook his head and sat on the bed.

“Sit.” 

He patted the empty spot next to him. Zoro glared at him but begrudgingly sat. 

“This was going to be the finale lesson, but you need it now.”

He stared into Zoro’s eye. Once again, it felt like he could peek into Zoro’s mind and soul.

“Lesson five, or I guess lesson four now, is trust. A captain needs to trust his first mate as much as a first mate trusts his captain.”

Zoro gulped and watched Rayleigh’s lips move as he clung to every word.

“A captain must be able to depend on their first mate. Physical and mental - your captain's problems are your own. But this goes both ways. You need to tell Luffy your problems, or you can never truly trust each other.”

He placed a hand on Zoro’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”

His mind raced. This conversation was just a charade, Zoro thought - Rayleigh already knew of his panics, thoughts, and worries, and he just wanted to hear them from his own mouth. But that thought didn’t make it any easier. Zoro never liked being vulnerable. Not only did it hurt his pride, but to him, it made him weak. 

He knew, though. He knew to be better, he had to take this step; so why was it so hard? 

Unable to look at Rayleigh, he looked at his hands. They were calloused and rough with hours upon hours of rigid training, with indents of his swords’ handles chiseled into his palm. He worked this hard to pursue his dream - to fulfill his promise - and yet his own mind is the one holding him back. He took a deep breath.

“I’ve… I…”

His body grew to an unbearable heat, and he couldn’t stop fidgeting with his clammy hands. Rayleigh placed a comforting hand on his knee. He closed his eye and let the words take over. 

“I’ve been having these nightmares.”

“About what?”

“Thriller Bark… and two years ago.”

Zoro’s lips trembled as he spoke in a soft voice. 

“Every night, I’m taken back to those moments, and I hate it. Watching everyone around me get hurt, and there’s nothing I can do!”

Rayleigh paused before speaking.

“Why do you think you're having these nightmares?”

Zoro thought about it, just as he had hundreds of times before, and every time he always came up with the same answer. 

“It’s because I failed them!” He shot to his feet and paced around the room, “Because… because I’m weak. And… I-”

Rayleigh embraced him, his arms securing him into a snug hug. His body had a comforting warmth, unlike the vile burning that came from inside of Zoro’s body, and Zoro snuggled his head into Rayleigh’s shoulder.

“They could have died.” 

He pressed his face into Rayleigh’s cloak. It smelt of alcohol, smoke, and dirt, but the fragrance oddly comforted him. 

“And I couldn’t help them.”

His eyes burned with tears, but he held them. Rayleigh patted his head, smoothing his hair back.

“Stop thinking of hypotheticals. They didn’t die. They're alive, and so are you.”

“Yeah, but-”

“You’re not weak. Not only did you fight with some of the strongest people in the world, but you came out alive. And you’ve trained with the world’s strongest swordsman. You’re far from weak.”

Zoro chucked.

“That might be true, but I still couldn’t help them. I failed them”

“Do you blame them?”

“Huh?”

“They couldn’t beat Kuma. They didn’t protect you. They couldn't escape. Do you blame them?”

“N-no.”

“Then why do you blame yourself for the same?”

“It’s different.”

Rayleigh pushed Zoro away, hands on his shoulder, and stared right into him.

“How?”

“Well… it…”

His words trailed No matter how hard he tried to make an excuse, he couldn’t come up with one. He knew it wasn’t different, and yet, he couldn’t wash away the guilt.

“Talk to your crew,” Rayleigh said, “talk to Luffy. Don’t suffer alone.”

He dropped his hands and sat, while Zoro continued to think. Two sides of him fought: one blamed himself, and the other half knew there was nothing he could have done.

No way could they have defeated an admiral and a Shichibukai, not even in their best shape. But he couldn’t even move. He burdened the crew. 

But if it was anyone else, if Usopp, Nami, or even Sanji collapsed, couldn’t move or fight, he wouldn’t blame them. The situation wasn’t what made him angry; it was his weakness that did. 

And he trained to fix that weakness: Trained for two grueling years, constantly fighting day and night, never pausing for a break or a day to rest. The whole time, he dwelt on the past, his failure, and his guilt, but maybe he should have focused on the future instead. To make sure he never fails again. To make sure he keeps his promises. To make sure Luffy stays safe. 

“Well, that’s it for your lessons.”

Zoro jolted back to reality.

“Huh? What?”

“That was the final lesson.”

“But didn’t you say you had another lesson you were going to teach?”

“Yeah, but it’s unnecessary.”

“I want to learn it. Plus, we're already here.”

Rayleigh chuckled.

“You do?” 

Zoro nodded. The burning might have weakened, but it had yet to disappear. Zoro knew it might be a mistake, but all he wanted was to fuck until his failures, guilt, and pain vanished. He wanted to melt away in pleasure, hoping that for once, his thoughts and emotions will, too, melt away. 

“What, do you just want to fuck or something?”

“Maybe.”

Rayleigh blushed, and he covered his mouth.

“O-okay, let’s start lesson four.”


End file.
